Scarred

It pains me to know so much of it was lies—After all I had done, after all the inseparable ties. Inseparable. Or so I thought…That was until I found out. . . Until you got caught. The heart becomes so fond and then one day it gets bruised. Yeah, bruises heal but right now I feel used. I was your cover up to make it seem like everything was alright. You were happy—or so it seemed—but then turned on me in the night. Oh how I wish that the pains of life were unreal, that the past never hurt us—that it never made us feel. But there it is, an inescapable fate—we all share in life’s pains—we all can relate. At first your heart bleeds and then it will bruise…It then becomes wounded, a scar you’ll never lose. My scar. My wound. My mistakes—not just yours. But hey, we get scars. Over time, they heal. The mark they make never leaves, but rather it fades. As the days pass, the pain of the scar slowly parts... and as we move forward, we learn.

Daddy and Me

He may be big and tall to you, but to me he’s the perfect size
He may be intimidating to you, but he’s gentle enough to suppress even the most subdued of cries.
He’s always been there for me, through the good and bad
He’s always been there to hold me tight when I am feeling sad.
From my youthful years, he took on a role so meaningful to me
He pushed me to do better, to be all that I could be.
He held my hand when I was afraid of the dark,
He biked with me and skipped with me to and from the park
His strong hands bound my hair in a pony, the same hands that work for me every day
The hands that are worn and beaten down, but in my heart I know they’re there to stay.
He may be overcome with headache and fatigue, but he’d never let anyone in on his pain,
He finds there is no reason for others to know, there truly is no gain.
Protective as fathers really should strive to be
He is my guardian and my guide and is always there to oversee
I think it’s gonna be a long time before people realize what this man means to me
And I think it’s gonna be a long time before people know that I wouldn’t give up the love that I have for him—a love as endless as the sea.
He taught me to play sports, he taught me how to hug
He taught me how to run, he taught me how to love.
He pushed me to grow in my faith each and every day
He strived to know the truth in every possible way.
He doesn’t know everything, but always just enough
Enough for him to stay in my life and always stay gentle yet tough.
He taught me how to fight for myself, how to defend myself when I need it the most
He taught me to stand up for myself and never boast.
His patience overwhelmed me as he listened to word after boring word
Some of the craziest things I’d speak I knew he’d never heard.
He’ll always be there for me when I need it,
He’ll always love me and be here with me even in spirit.

I don’t need any more love than what I’ve already got,
I’ve got a daddy who’ll love me forever and always, just as he aught
I don’t need anyone to tell me how to live my life,
My daddy’s always taught me to live every moment without stress and strife.
I don’t need anyone to push me to be more than the woman I’ve become,
My daddy’s always loved me and will for years and years to come
I don’t need to impress anyone or go searching for love,
My daddy’s been my number one fan, always cheering from front row over and above
My daddy and me are pals til the very end
Father and daughter bound together forever, the very best of friends.

Reach Me

Standing so close, skin so near to skin.

Silence all around; you could not drop a pin.

His arm brushes against my own while gentle breezes of spring softly are blown.

 Another gentle touch.

 --Does he feel it too?—

The peace and excitement in the air that captivates all that I do.

The hair on my arms stand tall, as trees in a deep forest-

Never falling over so easy or pausing for a much needed rest.

As the moon brightens the night sky, so he sits near me. .

Perhaps his intentions are greater, because of the simplicity that I do see.

Many men aren’t like this, they do not have the time,

But this one is different and people act like it’s a crime.

I can feel it—I wonder if he can too.. .

He doesn’t want to rush a thing or make a move too soon.

But there it is again—I think he’s getting closer.

I feel the gentle touch more and more, as the midnight air stirs.

The silver of the moon raised in the blackness of above our heads

So do I sink in feeling maybe this is really it. Should I listen to what everyone has said?

My doubt feels unreal and flees as I feel his touch—now that much closer to my hand.

I’ve been dealt a full house and I’m winning as I run my fingers through the sand.

The sun set itself in the horizon over the water hours ago

And now all that I see are the flames dancing in a fiery show.

Then I look up and see his face, features traced by the heat

His deep green eyes look upon me—a look that can’t be beat.

Our eyes are locked now; I tremble in a subdued stillness.

My thoughts cover this moment with great excess.

Butterflies seem to take over what used to be my stomach.

Nothing has happened, yet I’m nervous and a chill rides up my back.

My head goes fleeting as I feel it finally

The touch of three of his fingers, gently stroking me.

Running them gently across my fingers, palm, and hand

Sliding his body across the white and rocky sand.

He locks my fingers in his own, with a grip as though he’d never let it go

And he catches my eyes once more as my eyes raise from looking at my hand below.

A hair blows past my face and he tucks it behind my ear,

So simple yet meaningful I’m sure my head is blurred and unclear.

Everything so peaceful, so silent, all under the midnight sky

My gaze remains on our hands as intertwined they gently lie.

He reached for me finally, with the most respectful touch of all

He reached for my hand in the darkness, as my heart sped up and stalled.

Even with his hand in mine, I know I’ll never fall

He reached me in the dead of night, and he’ll reach me whenever I call.

Held

What is it like to feel safe in someone’s arms,

Removed from all evils and out of reach of harm?

At war with my soul, I fight here in pain,

Struggling and striking my heart under a cloud of bitter rain.

I’m afraid of the choices and what they might do,

They tear at my mind and cut me right through.

I’m afraid of what may come when all is done

Will I be covered in scorn or shrouded by the sun?

I’m afraid of the things I know people will say

If I give away my life for another, what will become of each day?

Mocked and ridiculed, lying under bricks

And the farther away I go, the more I rely on Satan’s tricks.

Wrapping me around his finger, with a grin so sly

Following the widened trail, not even giving me time to cry.

Struck by the drastic change in the plot of events

Running from the One whom breathed and from heaven life was sent.

I can feel Him there though, watching me so close

And I’m burdened by His eyes ,of which I fear the most.

I fear His judgment and to me what it will bring

But no matter where I am to my soul he’ll always cling.

I want to end it, finally flee from this all

My God, you’ve forsaken me! Why don’t you hear my call?!

Screaming on the inside, falling short of death of self

I cry to the heavens and pull the beads from the shelf.

Heart bleeding in loss, I fall to the ground

Realizing in my heart that His love is all around.

The way I’d always wanted to be held so close,

And I looked to the stars and the answer is in front of my eyes, the one that I chose.

Choking back tears, fingers flying past the beads

Shaking as I turn to Him, allowing Him to lead.

He never did forsake me, not once did He leave me

For the moments I felt down the most, He could always see.

I look back on the choices and He’s not there

I search for Him through it all, but He can’t be found anywhere.

But when I look in the mirror, and see the tears

He’s standing there beside me, taking away my fears.

Following Him on this earth is so difficult

And with that path always comes pain and insult.

But look at my God, walking along the road

Covered in blood and spit and carrying my sins as His load.

With His help, with Him holding me

I can do anything; I can set myself free.

No more running, no more will I hide,

Rather will I follow Him and in His love abide.

Feel for the Blog

Life truly is a mountainous journey. There is the flat land at its base, the days of our youth. Then, we look up and a giant mass of rock looms over our foreheads. Choosing to take that first step makes your life that much more different. It makes your life that much more fruitful. The problems we face show us that we are not perfect; we all have flaws and makes mistakes that bring us down. As we slide off the edge of that ominous rock, we catch hold of a branch and pull ourselves back up. As you read through my thoughts and works, you may find that we all experience times of darkness. You will be able to FEEL my times of darkness, and you will be able to FEEL me slip off that rock and free fall. I, like many, had to hit the bottom first before I could see there was something wrong with where I was. As I lay on the ground, my heart sank deep inside of me and I made my choice. At that moment I decided to choose life. Although we all experience pain, that is often the means of helping us to realize how much more incredible the pleasures are that are present in our lives. I began to write of my adventures and of my bereavements—those that have helped me to grow as a human and as a writer.  I write to share with others the peace I have found in realizing and accepting my mistakes. I write to challenge my readers to seek adventure, to access your inner peace and to live life every day as if you never know what is to happen. Take the time to listen. Love deeply. Take chances. Don’t live in the past, but rather live in the moment. We all mess up. Rather than holding on to your mistakes in regret, live with the passion needed to redeem yourself and work to make better the wrongs that do NOT define us as people. We stumble and fall in our daily routine, but what defines us is what we make of ourselves in every situation. Mistakes are simply reminders of our humanity; they do not claim our lives unless we allow them to do so. Read this how YOU see it. FEEL as you can or cannot relate to the words. My wish for you is that you listen to what your heart is telling you. My prayer is for you to make mistakes but listen to the mistakes of others, to live in the moment, and to strive to make a difference in your lives and challenge others to do the same. Feel the Peace. Experience the Love. Listen to the Music.