It pains me to know so much of it was lies—After all I had
done, after all the inseparable ties. Inseparable. Or so I thought…That was
until I found out. . . Until you got caught. The heart becomes so fond and then
one day it gets bruised. Yeah, bruises heal but right now I feel used. I was
your cover up to make it seem like everything was alright. You were happy—or so
it seemed—but then turned on me in the night. Oh how I wish that the pains of
life were unreal, that the past never hurt us—that it never made us feel. But
there it is, an inescapable fate—we all share in life’s pains—we all can
relate. At first your heart bleeds and then it will bruise…It then becomes
wounded, a scar you’ll never lose. My scar. My wound. My mistakes—not just
yours. But hey, we get scars. Over time, they heal. The mark they make never
leaves, but rather it fades. As the days pass, the pain of the scar slowly
parts... and as we move forward, we learn.
HI Jessica; Yes! Scars do heal and the quicker we let them, they quicker they heal, but even the marks leave, unless we cultivate and cling to them. You love English I see, and I do too, but my real passion is seeing the magnificent things Jesus does, like healing scars, not over long periods of time, but over night... but the victim has to be willing, which they are usually not. "What do you want me to do?" Jesus asks. The problem is (I hope you won't hold this against me) that only too often we indulge the unworthy occupation of nursing our wounds and holding on to our scars as long as possible; we develop the unworthy ability to enjoy feeling sorry for ourselves because of our tragidies. Jesus never did this, and there actually isn't anything in this world, of a negative nature that is worth holding on to. There might be a pretty awful painful experience, like Maria Goretti's brutal murder, but think about her mother's joy at Maria's cannonization. Actually, all the "pains of life," have, in God's magnificent plan, a divine purpose... in fact, more purposes that we can imagine, and God's purposes, through it all, are universally good! How do we know? Because He, who allowed it all... due to the divinely ordained consequences of original sin, is GOOD; the sooner we get this figured out, (I mean really, not just intellectually) the better!!! It's good to delve deep down into our inner being and identify those lurking doubts about God's goodness... because they are there... and they do a lot of dammage. I know, because of my own as well as lots of other people's experience... after all I'm in my seventies now, and I grew up thinking I knew God was good. But now I know the difference between thinking I knew, and really knowing that God is good. After many years of seeing, experiencing, contemplating, mulling over, questioning and grieving over the "inescapable fate," of "life's pains" I've got the answer. I hope you figure it out sooner, because finally figuring out that God is absolutely, undeniably, utterly, thrillingly, beautifully,divinely, infinitely, forever and eternally GOOD... in spite of all the wounds, pain and temporary misfortunes, is a SUPREME, COMFORTING AND HEAVENLY JOY... and, furthermore, there is another benefit - "voila!" scars simply disappear and pain is gone. I remember bringing to God a whole batch of scars from my youth and childhood and asking Him... "what about all this I've suffered?" I received an unexpected, thoroughly disconcerting, and very real answer... "I'm not worried about all this," He said. "What I'm concerned about are the things this that you do, that are like this." That gave me an entirely different perspective. All those offenses of others against me no longer seemed significant, and now I choose to dismiss the wounds others inflict on me... and devote myself to the real issue, the only thing that can really hurt me...my inflicting wounds on others... such as (relating to your "Scarred" post) being wounded or offended, refusing to let scars disappear, letting my heart bleed and be bruised instead ob be healed and whole, or any other such examples of unforgiveness.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Jessica... I encourage you and pray you will be full of JOY and choose to live joyfully; its the only right way to live... even when the world is falling apart. God is triumphantly, gloriously, adorably, mercifully and lovingly at the end of it all.
Have a great year at Benedictine, a great life and I'll see you in heaven.
Love and prayers from a friend in Christ. Elizabeth
How weird is this! I was looking at your photo trying to see how you found my blog and I noticed the little girl on your right in the picture is a St. Hilaire! Then, my boyfriend came and sat next to me and said 'that's David's grandma!' Well, it's very nice to hear your reply. Here's the thing about this poem... I went through a really rough time in high school when my boyfriend cheated on me. So, when I wrote it--it was with the intention that it still lingers with me sometimes. I don't actually let it define me, but it still hurts to know that I lost a best friend out of it. My outlook on life is more closely related to one of my other poems--such as HELD. Even when times get tough, I know God's there holding me! Also, I think it's really awesome that you pulled out the story of Maria Goretti. She is my patroness actually and I love her and strive to be like her.
DeleteI know God's always there for me. Out of His overflowing love was I created and out of His love I remain with Him. Thank you for your post. It means a lot!
Jessica
So gald you didn't take umbrage to my commentary. I was wondering if you'd figure out who it was writing to you. And also hoping David won't mind..I always manage to embarrass my grandchildren some way or other. I would have guessed that your "wounds" had something to do with something like that. Frankly Jessica high-school kids...("kids" is a good description) would be a lot better off avoiding these posessive romatic relationships that make being "cheated" on possible. I vividly remember my high-school day; I was a cheerleader in my senior year and was "going steady," with a guy who adored and wanted to marry me...and, as a result, thought he owned me. As much as I enjoyed him and all the benefits, it dawned on me that "this is crazy!" In abridgement, I promptly gave him back the prized symbol of "ownership", his ring, and regained my far more prize worthy "freedom." I contend that this was one of the maturest and, incidentally, one of the most unexpected and uncharacteristic actions of my youth; as such, I don't doubt it was Divinely inspired, and likely saved me a lot of grief. Years later, that handsome young man, whom I might have married, died a hopeless alcoholic and if I had been more sensitive to other such inspirations I would have fared a lot better. In conclusion allow me to suggest that everything we simply take for granted as part of our "culture" isn't necessarily good, right, or God's will for us. By the way, was that boyfriend who identified me, Jake? He'll tell David and I'm going to probably be in trouble. Anyway, my dear, I do think its good to be real in our relationships and able to share a little more indepth, which your post "scarred," certainly invited. I've never enjoyed superficiality. Now I can look forward to and likely have the pleasure of meeting you personally one of these days. God Bless! Say hi to Jake... if he's the guy.
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